I want to be in all senses of the words, All. Things. Mama.
As far back as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom, not just any mom, but the mom that stays home with her kids full time. The mom who loves even when she is not loved back, who can't breathe without thinking of her kids first. The mom who loves teaching, playing, cooking, baking, laughing, and kissing owies. The mom who is ALL THINGS MAMA. My husband and I scrimp so that dream can be fulfilled. Being a mom is not part time for me. It is something that has captured my heart. All of the going ons of my life start with thoughts of my kids. My kids consume my love and my life and I allow it because, with God's help they are the essence of what makes me a mother. This is me...

kids: the reason for moms

kids: the reason for moms

Friday, December 21, 2012

29 years of Christmas...

It's different. Festive and sad should not go together, but this year they do. I love Christmas, but this year will be abnormal.

After 29 years of spending Christmas morning at Grandma and Grandpa's house, this year it is only Grandpa's house. This year is...unexplainable. How do you describe pain during a joyful time? I'm happy and sad, when those two things don't seem to go together.

Every Christmas song I hear, I can hear Grandma's voice singing it too. They all remind me of her. Her house, her decorations, her little stockings, her clapping and playing with the babies, her.

I remember a Christmas time about four years ago when she stopped talking and shushed me because a new Christmas song came on that she wanted me to hear. It is called "A baby changes everything." Melanie had just been born when that song came out. I now find such solace in that special memory. And when I hear that song now, I cry and remember my grandma. She always shared songs with me that carried a special meaning to her. She loved music..and dancing.. and singing.

Melanie remembers her great grandma the best out of all my kids. She recently told me she wished God would let great grandma come visit for a little while and then bring her back to heaven. I wish it worked that way too.

She is celebrating in heaven and oh how much more fun she is having now. I'm sure Christmas is beautiful there.

Listen to the song here:

A baby changes everything

1 comment:

  1. God bless you Marts. I can't stop crying and it hurts so much. The blessing that my kids new her so well is, oh soo, bittersweet. I keep thinking of how many people she loved and lost, and how she got through it. I will never be as strong as our Grandma. We were blessed to have her as long as we did. We(grandchildren) truely, got the best of her. Thank you for sharing and listening. Merry Christmas and I will love you forever


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